I am so happy to say that today Leukemia is not something that we think about everyday. Her last day of chemo was March 9, 2014 and her port a cath came out shortly after. It was actually a hard adjustment. I remember the Nurse Practitioner saying that parents almost prefer being on chemo, because you know that there is something there keeping the cancer away. I was scared to see the chemo go, as silly as that sounds. The first appointment after we stopped chemo, I was so nervous and anxious and incredibly sick to my stomach. I remained anxious for our monthly appointments for awhile. I would have a pep talk with myself the whole way up to Green Bay, telling myself that I didn't need to be anxious and that God was in control, but every time I was waiting for those lab results, I prepared myself for the worst.
God is so good and she has never had any issues with her lab results! People that meet her now would have no idea of her history.
When you are going through something big in your life, it almost feels easy to lean into God. You cry out to Him when times are tough and you need help and need Him to calm your fears. I remember feeling so close to God when Grace was going through treatment and even the few months after. I was praying so much. Every worship song was speaking right to me and every Scripture was speaking right to me. You see Him more in the every day things when you are leaning into Him.
When things aren't so tough and life is good, unfortunately God gets put on the back burner. Grace's appointments got fewer and fewer and Leukemia wasn't on my mind. I let other things fill my time and my mind. When things are good, you feel like you've got it together and you don't need to cry out to God like you do in the middle of that storm. But, the truth is we do. We do need to cry out to Him every day. Even though my problems now aren't as serious as Childhood Cancer, I need Him the same now as I did back then. I need Him when I am losing my cool because my toddler won't stop screaming at me and my puppy won't stop eating everything in sight. I need Him when I am having a good day and feel so incredibly blessed with the life I lead. I need Him every day and I am so grateful that He has recently been reminding me of this.
My verse for this summer has been James 4:8 'Come near to God and He will come near to you.' I have allowed myself to become too comfortable in my faith and put God on the back burner. Thank you God for this wonderful summer with you and this lesson you have taught me to continuously put you first when times are good and when times are bad. I have seen the beauty in the last few months of Him drawing near to me because I am drawing near to Him. I pray that you will make that your prayer today as well.
